12 Fail Safe Ways to Charm Witches
by Acciopencil
Summary: Albus Potter gives Scorpius his dad's old book for his 14th birthday to help his relationship with Rose.Things are not quite "fail-safe" for our little Malfoy.
1. 12 Fail Safe Ways to Charm Witches

**Because everyone always has to write at least one more Rose/Scorpius fic, right? ;) This idea came to me when I re-read HPDH for the 6h time. At least. I stopped counting long ago. x3**

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"You're kidding me, Albus! You got me a book again, didn't you? Just like the year before, and the year before...and the year before. Heck, even at my funeral, you'll probably drop a book in my coffin titled "_83 Ways you Could have Lived Longer_."

I shoved the present back into Albus's hands, not even bothering to open it. There was no way I would be able to fake a surprised smile and an ecstatic "Thank you!" this time when I ripped the wrappings off. After three years of receiving books from my best friend as birthday presents, there were somethings you just couldn't hide anymore.

"Just give it to Rose, okay? Or someone that would actually read it."

Don't get me wrong. Sure, I love books – if they're interesting. But somehow nobody's been able to break the stereotype of Ravenclaws being over-the-moon if they got a book for their 14th birthday present.

Albus Severus Potter rolled his eyes, but a soft laugh was creeping onto the edges of his lips. "Really, Scorp? I'd be hurt if I knew you weren't going to worship the ground I walked on after you've given this book a chance."

"Worship you? Why would I worship someone who's no doubt going to give me another book on _"How to Fluff your Pygmypuff for Beginners._" Don't tell me – is this the "Advanced" version now?"

Al gave me a stern look, his green eyes burning into my blue ones. I often heard girls gush about "Albie" in the corridors when I walked to my classes. They said his eyes were like sparkling emeralds. But they didn't know the real Albus, neither the piercing stares he gave you when he was upset. The color of emeralds? Forget it.

More like death.

"I'm not kidding, Scorpius. This book saves lives. Ever wonder about Caitlyn Tunnels? She hated me since the first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson, when I accidentally knocked that tank full of Kappas onto her. And now, poof! Just two days ago, she asked me to go to Hogmeads with her on Valentine's Day next month. And everyone knows that Gryffindors and Slytherins don't mix."

I snorted in disbelief, but I had to admit I was at least a _little _curious. "For all I know, you could have brewed up a love potion for that lovely Tunnels. Don't deny it - you'd be able to with your arms tied behind your back."

Albus ignored this comment. "Give it a chance, Scorp. It's not all about the wandwork - or the potion making - you know. And there's at least _one _girl that you like, right?"

I felt the blood rush into my cheeks, and immediately began to study a suddenly intriguing dusty crack on the wall. "So...the book is like...a guide to getting girls to like you?," I said, trying to sound casual like we were talking about the greenbeans I ate at lunch today...or Teddy Lupin's fashion sense when I saw him last Christmas at the Potter's. Yeah. That's it. "Like, a manual to their heart? And you had the urge to give this said book to me because I seemed _desperate, _right?

Albus smirked. "Something like that. And we all know you've been fancying Rose since...well, I don't want to know that part. Just read it, okay, Scorp? Because I would have stolen that book from my dad's drawer for nothing. Well, not necessarily for nothing. I still have Caitlyn, right?"

He stood up swiftly, and threw his bag over his shoulder, without saying another word. I watched him walk out of the library, resisting the urge to throw my book, still wrapped, at Albus's head.

After staring at the present for another five minutes, I couldn't spare my dignity any longer. Unwrapping the present Muggle-style, I slowly and hesitantly pulled out a book, titled,

"_12 Fail Safe Ways to Charm Witches"_

Seriously, Albus?_  
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_**How did you like the first chapter? Any reviews, criticism, questions you wanna give me will be highly appreciated!**

**Oh, and I don't know if I made it clear enough, but Scorp is in Ravenclaw (Rose is as well), and Al is in Slytherin**

** (because I can't imagine them any other way ;D )**


	2. Introduction: Getting Started

**Here's the second chapter! By the way, thank you so much for those who have already favored, reviewed and/or added it to your alerts!**

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**It was a couple days before I actually opened the book. I wasn't dumb – anything given by a relative to Fred Weasley and James Potter could punch you in the face (literately) or squirt a greenish liquid on your face, until you suddenly have flying boils covering your body. I had seriously considered stuffing it right in my trunk under the particular smelly, yellowing socks that I've forgotten to wash since the First Year. Until finally, I opened it up to the first page. But believe me, it took a lot to convince myself I should read it, and Scorpius Malfoy doesn't give in too easily.

(Well, okay. All it took was another glance at Rose, and I was practically up in my dormitory, book in hand, in two seconds flat. So maybe Albus was right; I am a _little _desperate.)

**Introduction: Getting Started**

_We all have a secret special someone at some point in our lives. Whether she's the local Weather Witch on WizardNetwork Channel 4, or your best friend's cousin, daughter of some wizard who helped defeat some Dark Lord when they were 17 and what not, 12 Fail Safe Ways to Charm Witches is guaranteed and dedicated to give you a happy and loving relationship with the women you desire. _

_With endless, positive results from countless wizards, 12 Fail Safe Ways to Charm Wizards has proven its self to be the secret key to unlocking a girl's heart. Not convinced yet? Here are some wizards who are eager to share there good luck with future readers -_

"I used to be the joke of the school, always admiring Becky Standlocks from the other side of the classroom. Now, we're happily married and have 5 kids. This book changed my life!" _Albert Ponsky, 34._

"This book really is the key to a women's heart." _Vincent Loop, 21_

"I thought I was going to die alone...with maybe 20 or 30 cats. I have never thought this again since I picked up 12FSWTCW."_ Jack Gurple, 51_

"Read this. Or Die." _Tom Marvolo Riddle, 63_

_Aren't those readers happy? But don't despair, that could be you, just 12 short chapters away! Before we start the journey to your love life, 12 Fail Safe Ways to Charm Witches has some few questions about your relationship status, etc., to help you achieve the best results. _

_Look around the room you are in, or go to a more crowded room. Who are you most attracted to, and what are their features? Circle your answer._

_a) Girls that are wearing considerably less clothing_

_b) Girls that seem happy and cheerful; fun to be around_

_c) Girls that are currently with their boyfriend_

_d) Girls that seem depressed_

_e) No one – all you can think about is the girl you currently desire_

_f) Men._

_Notice: If you picked F, this is **NOT THE BOOK FOR YOU. **_

Well, this was easy so far. Trust Albus to get me a book with a survey you can find in most Muggle teen magazines. Without hesitation, I circled (E). The ink vanished, soaking into the pages.

_Think of the girl you desire. If currently none, think of people that are close to you. What is ONE WORD she might think if she thought of YOU?_

_a) Toe-rag_

_b) Nerd_

_c) BFF!_

_d) Scary_

_e) Player_

_f) Friend_

I hesitated on this one. We were friends, right? If friends emotionally tear each other down every second we get the chance. Then yeah. (F) it is.

_3. What do you find attractive in a girl? Check all that apply._

_a) Her smile_

_b) Her clothes_

_c) Her personality_

_d) Her wandwork_

_e) Her skin_

_f) Her hair_

_g) Everything_

Everything.

_4. How do you feel about yourself?_

_a) Awesome!_

_b) Confident_

_c) Okay_

d) Meh.

After four years of prejudice with the Malfoy family name, you learn to not care what people think of you, and move on with your life. Of course, hexing them was never a bad idea, either. I filled in a pretty solid (B) and turned the page.

_Congratulations! You have completed the survey. The book is currently registering your answers, and will change based on what you circled. You are free to turn to the next page, and embark on the journey to the fail-safe-ways to charm the witch of your dreams!_

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_**Comments, reviews, questions, concerns? I had a hard time writing this, knowing that this chapter was going to be unbelievably boring! I had to focus more on the introduction on this book, but the future chapters will rarely be anything like this!**


	3. Chapter One: Getting to Know Her

**Chapter One: Getting to Know Her**

_Most relationship experts think that the most important part needed for a stable relationship is honesty._

We_ think that's a load of hippogriff dung._

_Would "honesty" save you from your lover's flying enchilada or hairdryer that's hurdling across the room, aimed directly at your face, only millimeters from colliding into your nose after you accidentally commented on how her dress makes her look like a fat plum (see Chapter Three, The Magic of Compliments, and How to Use Them). No._

_We, the author's of 12 Fail Safe Ways to Charm Witches ,agree that the most important thing that a man could ever do for his lovely witch is to _**get to know her**._ If you knew about her traumatic childhood experience with plums before-hand, the flying enchilada could have been avoided entirely! _

_Because you seem to already be friends with this witch (let's call her Witch) based on your answers, you MIGHT seem that you know Witch pretty well. But do you?_

_Ask Witch some simple questions. She'll be sure appreciate how much attention you are focusing on her! Try our FREE, Fail-Safe Getting-To-Know-Her questions..._

_1) Do you come here often?_

_2) Did you have any traumatic childhood experiences with fruit?_

_3) If not, what's your favorite childhood traumatic experience?_

_*If you're feeling extra confident, make up your own!_

_Make some jokes here and there, and be sure to input YOUR answers too! It'll feel less like an interrogation room and more like your genuinely curious!_

_Always make sure to take time out of your idea to say hi to her when you pass her in the halls, or strike up a quick, friendly conversation. For bonus points, WINK! That's a heart-stopper for the witches! _

_After you've taken the time to get to know her well, you're ready for the next step!_

_Turn the page to Chapter Two: Engaging in Daily Conversation_

"Dude! Scorpius! Wake up!"

A blurry outline of Albus swirled in front of me, the edges of his face blending together and molding into a foggy form inches from my face. At least I'm pretty sure it was Albus; it looked just like every other black and green blob in the room. And face it, everything looked like a black and green blob without my glasses.

"Wha'? Did I miss class? Or worse – breakfast?"

I frantically scrambled out of my bed, with some difficulty, because it took me a few seconds to realize I was in a library chair, not in a bed, and by then I was already lying on the floor with my glasses skewed besides me.

"Relax, Scorp!"

I heard my best friend laugh a couple feet from where I had fallen onto the floor, and I managed to get up, straighten my robes, and preserve whatever dignity I had left.

"What was that for, Al?" I glared at Albus Severus Potter in the darkness of the library, and that was when it struck me: _darkness. _It was hardly dawn! And trust Albus to scare me half to death when every sensible person should still be tucked in their beds. Or library chair. Whatever. "It's 6:00 in the morning!"

"Close. 5:30." I could barely make out Albus's shoulders shrugging a few feet in front of me.

"And you had the sudden urge to wake me up at 5:30 in the morning _because_...?"

"Because I _care_ about you, man," came Albus's sarcastic reply, followed by a thump on my shoulder. "But really, I couldn't leave you sleeping late in the library on your special day."

"Special day? It's my birthday?" I said stupidly, and then felt the blood rush to my face. My birthday was a couple days ago. "Don't blame me!" I said hastily, as Albus's snorted. "You're the one that woke me up early-I'm not a morning person!"

"Whatever, Scorp. I'm talking about _Rose. _You know,_ Rose Weasley. _Don't tell me you aren't ready to test the first chapter of my dad's miracle book." Albus walked over to the library table, and picked up 12 Fail Safe Ways to Charm Witches that I had been reading (and rereading) over night.

"Albus?" I said slowly, casting him a glare as he turned to face me. "Who in the world would be ready to talk to a girl at 5:30 in the morning?"

He smirked, but it faded quickly as he nodded seriously. What was this, TV show drama? "Exactly, Scorp. You need to be ready for Rose at breakfast today, and heaven knows you need all the time you can get."

x.X.x.

Apparently "being ready for Rose" included Albus teaching me several of his own "fail-safe" ways – like "making my hair somewhat passable.". Al has dealt with own trademark hair all his life, so when it came to my blonde hair, that insisted to sleek back no matter how hard I protested, he had some few tips.

"Just run some of this through your hair," Al said, handing me a simple looking bottle with the words _"DeZIred Hair for Men". _In tiny letters, it said underneath,_"For hair that is too messy, sleek, or just plain stupid."_

"I don't use it much anymore, because apparently everyone likes the "Potter look", but I did a lot in my First Year when I thought my hair was too scruffy. I don't think the Potter look works for you, though, man," he said, squinting at my blonde hair. "You have more of a "Neville style" going on right now. That's definitely a turn off."

My hand instantly reached up to touch my hair. What the heck? "Yeah, yeah, whatever," I said hastily, eagerly grabbing the bottle and squirting a decent sized blob into my palm. Why didn't anybody tell me I had Neville-hair sooner?

I ran the blob throughout my hair, scrutinizing my appearance in the mirror in front of me. The change wasn't immediate, but soon my hair was lying flat , the strands for once having no urge to sleek back or transform into an annoying cowlick.

I gave my head a quick shake, and strands of blonde hair fell neatly into my blue eyes. Wow. I hope Rose was impressed.

I caught Albus's eyes in the mirror, and he nodded approvingly. "Told you this will work, Scorp. Rose will be falling head over heels for you before first class even begins."

x.X.x.

By 7:30, I was feeling pretty confident with my new, Neville-free hair as I walked to the Great Hall with Albus for breakfast. I had some notes that I had taken on 12FSWTCW last night already in the palm of my hand. I didn't need them though- I pretty much had the whole chapter memorized.

But when I spotted Rose sitting at the Ravenclaw table, looking impossibly sexy eating a bagel, with her curly brown hair tied in a messy, loose pony tail that hung over her left shoulder, the confidence vanished. Instantly.

"I don't know about this, Al," I murmured as we neared the table. I ran my hair through my hair again, but it didn't help to ease my nerves.

"Come on, Scorp. You can do this. Don't tell me I wasted all this time on your hair for nothing!" Al gave me an encouraging thud on the back. "I'll be right behind you. Or, well, you know, at the Slytherin table. Away from Rose if she suddenly tries to maul you or something. But I'll be watching you, man!"

And he sauntered away, mouthing "Good-luck!" over his shoulder.

Gee, thanks, Al. You sure know how to boost someone's confidence.

Swallowing hard and trying to keep my hands from shaking, I walked over to Rose and sat awkwardly by her side. It took a few seconds for her to notice me, but even then her eyes were still lingering on her textbook she was reading underneath the table.

"Um. Hi, Rose."

She raised two delicate eyebrows to stare at me, muttered "Nice hair" and turned back to her book. After seeing I wasn't going anywhere, she replied clearer, "What do you want, Scorp? Does Al need help on his homework again? Tell him he's a big boy now; he can do it on his own. "

"No, not really," I said quickly, trying not to wince at the sound of bitter annoyance that was impossible not to miss. My eyes had strayed over to single, magnificent red curl that had broken free from the rest of her ponytail, and fallen into her stunning, bright blue eyes. I tried to remember what to say next, but my mind had gone blank. I peeked a look at the palm of my head, which didn't really help. My hands were already sweating, the words smudging into a giant, undecipherable blob. I made a mental note to get sweat-proof ink next time.

"I-I was just wondering if, you, um, come here often?" I finally managed to stammer out after a few seconds of awkward silence.

Which was followed by a few more seconds of awkward silence.

"Scorpius?" Rose said finally, but the words were drawn-out, slow, like she was choosing her words carefully.

"Yeah?" I said eagerly, taking a deep sigh of relief. The worst part was over. This was going to work. I just had to stay confident. Stay cool. Stay with the book. Stay -

"This is the Great Hall. I come here everyday, twice a day. _Everyone does._"

And then, swinging her bag over her shoulder and tucking in that perfect red curl behind her ear, she walked away. But not without giving me a worried glance that someone might give to a mental hospital patient.

I watched Rose walk off, her ponytail bouncing ever so slightly from her hurried footsteps. Before my heart had even begun to sink, I almost jumped from the table - I had missed a step!

"Wait!" I called out frantically. "PLUMS!" I screamed after her, hoping it would be the magic word and cause her to fling herself into my arms. "PLUMS! PLUMS! DO-YOU-HAVE-ONE?"

The red flash of hair disappeared in a sea of Third Years. She probably didn't hear me.

**How did you like it? Yes, it's pretty rushed, since I was trying to get this up here as soon as I could. I always appreciate reviews!**

**I was wondering...how do you think about the characters itself? How did you imagine them?**

**More soon...but no promises! Haha.**


	4. Chapter Two: Daily Conversation

**Can you believe this is finally up? I can't!**

**I'm SOO sorry for putting this off for months. :( I've been so busy!**

**I wrote this in an hour, so it's pretty messy. I'll probably go back and edit later, but here it is!**

**Enjoy!**

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"Plum b- I mean, Scorpius, you can't stay there forever!"

I heard Albus's muffled voice through the dusty walls of the Room and Requirement. It had been forever since I had sat in this room, and I had almost forgotten how useful it was to relax and be by yourself – or, you know, hide from all of Hogwarts.

"Can't you see Plum Boy wants to be alone right now, Albus?" I called back irritably. "And it doesn't help that even YOU are joining in on it, dude." I could almost picture Albus's scrunched up expression through the other side of the wall, with a hand running automatically through his jet black hair.

"Hey, Scorp, you can't blame me. And at least I'm not singing the theme song. I'm pretty sure James and Fred started that; it's pure genius_. He-e-e-e's plumm-m plum plum boy-y_!"

That last comment hit my nerve. Pushing up my glasses, I thrust open the door and stood face-to-face with Albus Severus Potter.

"THERE'S A THEME SONG ABOUT ME NOW?" I managed to strangle out, before shoving Albus's in the chest. "This is all your fault, man!"

A smirk was appearing on my best friend's face, which made me want to push him again. You NEVER mess with a Malfoy – it may be the last thing you do before your living with your mommy for the rest of your life.

"Calm down, Scorp," Al said calmly, his green eyes glittering. "Your face is all red. You don't want to be called Tomato Man now, do you?"

I continued to stare daggers, before I realized he was right. The last thing I needed was to be nicknamed weird fruit hybrids. Like Plumato or…Tomplum… (oh heck no.) After a few seconds of yoga breathing, I calmed down enough that I could look at Albus without envisioning him being pummeled to death by trolls, or stabbed with knives covered in poisonous, sticky green substances.

"It's still your fault, dude. If you haven't given me that book, I would still be secretly admiring Rose from a distance, and I was perfectly fine with that!"

Albus shook his head, and gave me an exasperated look. "First of all, you weren't admiring Rose "secretly", okay? So stop telling yourself that. EVERYONE knew you fancied my cousin. Even the people who didn't KNOW you knew you fancied her. And second," he continued, ignoring my glares," it wasn't my fault. That's how it was supposed to be like."

I stared at Albus dumbfounded. "So you're telling me," I said slowly," that the first chapter was MEANT for me to make a complete fool out of myself in front of hundreds of thousands of people? You're kidding right? What kind of **FAIL-SAFE** book does THAT?"

"Well not exactly. But it's showing you that love hurts, dude. But if she means a lot to you, then you just have to keep trying," Albus said. "And if you don't believe me, look at where I am. I got through the whole book and I'm in the best relationship of my life. Just keep reading and you'll see."

He pulled out The Book from his backpack and held it out to me, carefully, like he was cradling a precious baby. I thought it looked more like a bomb.

"I don't know if I'm ready to trust it again, man," I said. "I think that book hates me. I'm not even kidding."

Albus put a hand on my shoulder. Oh gosh - more TV show drama? "I know how you must feel, Scorp. Humiliated, ruined, the joke of the school. But you know what's going to make it all better?"

I stared at him.

"That's right!" he said, nodding. "Chapter Two: Engaging in Daily Conversation." And with that he shoved it in my bag, clapped me on the back, and sauntered away oh-so Potter-like.

_Chapter Two: Engaging in Daily Conversation._

_Welcome back!_

_So, you've got to know Witch already. You know if she comes "here" often and you could probably recite all her traumatic fruit experiences from the top of your head! Now, it's time to take a baby-step and engage in DAILY CONVERSASTION!_

_Try to ease her into a conversation at least once a day. Show your funny side, you're sweet side, you're backside (haha just kidding – NOT YET, DUDE! SLOW DOWN!) you're real side! Make her feel comfortable around you._

_But what do I talk about? you're probably wondering. And wonder no more. We've listed some easy, daily prompts to get your conversations going!_

_Have you heard about…_

_I can't believe…._

_Did you know…_

_Do you like…._

_I don't know about you, but I…._

_I can't believe…._

_Make up your own! Go all out! _

_Turn to Chapter Three after you're done!_

I carefully scanned the page again for any mention of "plums". I was taking no chances. After seeing none, I closed the book and crossed my fingers. Hopefully Al was right. I'll have Rose all to myself once I did this chapter.

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I woke up bright and early the next day. I had planned on styling my hair with _DeZIred Hair_ (the one thing that Albus gave me that actually worked), but I had left it down stairs in the common room. Clad in my pajamas, I hopped down the stairs and into the common room to look for the miracle hair stuff.

I had originally planned to greet Rose by walking in a sexy, slow-mo to the Great Hall, where Rose would look up from her breakfast and come running into my arms, and I would lift her off the ground and twirl her in the air just like in the Muggle chick movies that I so wasn't watching last night. But unfortunately, all those plans literally came crashing down in front of me. After stumbling down the stairs unsexily, straightening out my jamies, I looked up to find the last person I wanted to see right now. Or first person and I wanted to see right now, but completely NOT under these circumstances – maybe in some nice robes, but certainly not in footsies.

Rose was sitting at a table in the common room, reading a book by the fireplace. The dim, morning light mixed in with the dancing flames of the fire, casting a beautiful glow across her face, and highlighting all the colors in her hair.

Because it was barely dawn, Rose and I were the only ones in the room. And an awkward silence hung in the air. I had completely forgotten to see if there was a "Move-On-From-Your-Plum-Situation" part in the book, and it seemed Rose hadn't forgotten the incident from yesterday.

For a moment, we both stood there, staring, before Rose cleared her throat.

"No plums today?" she asked, with her perfect Rose-sarcasm

"Erm, no. I hope not," I replied nervously, giving her a weak smile and sitting down at the opposite end of her table. "How's it going?"

She looked at me, a bit surprised if anything. She had probably expected me to say something along the lines of "PLUM" again. "Just getting some homework done before class," she said, stifling a yawn. Up close, I could see bags sitting heavily under her eyes, and she looked like she was going to fall asleep on the spot. Poor thing, she'd probably been up all night.

"Hmmmm," I murmured, because it was the only thing I could think of. Then, remembering the book, I asked her," Have you heard that Slughorn's gonna give us a surprise pop quiz today? He told Al because he's his "favorite student", and apparently there's going to be some pretty hard questions on there."

Rose's eyebrow's crinkled, and she buried her face in her hands. "Oh no! I'm horrible at potions! I completely failed yesterday's elixir!"

I backtracked immediately. The last thing I wanted was Rose to have an emotional breakdown when we were supposed to have a nice, pleasant conversation. "Don't fret about it!" I said hastily, but not unkindly. "I'm sure you'll do great, Rose. But if you're worried, just look in Chapter Four, and pay special attention when it's explaining antidotes."

Rose nodded intently, hanging onto my every word. "Okay-y-y," she said, while a yawn escaped her lips. "Thanks, Scorp. You're not always a big pain in the rear, you know that? I'll get started right –"

She broke off as her eye-lids dropped, and her head slumped down on her papers and books that cluttered the table.

Unsure what to do, I stood up and pat her hair. "That's right, Rose. You need the sleep, honey," I whispered softly, then picked up my DeZIred Hair bottle that was sitting next to the fireplace, and crept back up to my dormitory.

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**Hopefully, I'll update soon!**

**And don't forgot to review! ;)  
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	5. Chapter Three: From Friend to BOYfriend

**I'm stunned on how many positive reviews I'm getting! I'm so glad you're enjoying this, even though I just make the chapters up as I go along; I haven't even planned any of the next chapters, so I'm totally just winging it xD**

**I know the12 Fail Save Ways to Charm Witches chapter styles (the book that Al gave scorp, not the fanfic itself) are a little different. xD It all kinda depends on whether I'm in the mood to write a lot. :P**

**I got a review from Coconut, but she/he wasn't logged in, so I'll answer it here.**

_I'm really enjoying the humour in this story, but I have a small question/concern. Last chapter you mentioned Rose was a Ravenclaw and I'm pretty sure you've made Scorpius and Al both Slytherin. What was Rose doing in his common room first thing in the morning?_

Okay, Rose isn't a stalker. I promise. I mentioned this in the first chapter, but I might have not made it clear enough – sorry! Rose and Scorp are in Ravenclaw, and Al in Slytherin. I apologize if I somehow mix that up when I'm writing this fic Oh, and thank you, glad you enjoy!

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From Friend to BOYfriend_

_Okay wizards, have you felt frustrated that Witch considers you more as a FRIEND than a BOYfriend? One of the most common things we get from wizards is that they seem "stuck in the friend zone" because they've been friends with Witch for a pretty long time. _

_So how do you make it clear that you want to be more than just a friend to the lovely witch? You've gotten to know her, and hopefully you've been talking to her every day. Unfortunately, you can't just say a magic word that could make her become your lover (well, actually, you could, but that's completely beside the point). But _fortunately,_ we have some tips to move from that friend stage, to that awkward in between part, to full-on boyfriend. _

_Believe it or not, girls love when guys bring them sweet presents. Maybe get her some flowers (you can't go wrong with roses!) with a cute note attached for that perfect "dating" feel. Maybe even consider the chocolate classic! _

_Whatever you do, make sure you're not putting her out of her comfort zone, but just enough that she gets the message that you want to be more than friends. Make your feel loved by remaining eye contact, touching her shoulder, or tucking a strand of hair behind her ear._

_And if she still doesn't get the clue, just straight out ask her!_

_Good luck, and see you next time!_

"You sure you wanna do this, Scorp?"

We were standing on the steps to the Great Hall, looking past the crowd of students that were pushing and shoving to get to diner first. I couldn't see Rose's red hair in the midst of the students, but that didn't matter; I'd see her in a few minutes time if this plan worked.

"Of course, man. No way am I going to chicken out!" I managed to choke out, wiping my sweaty hands on the front of my robes. In my arms I carried a huge box of chocolates, with a bouquet of roses sitting on top.

Albus cast me a nervous look, and then inched away from me. I'm sure he was worried that I might throw up all over his shiny shoes that he had gotten for Christmas last month. Or maybe he just didn't want to be close to the looser with the girly flowers.

"Okay, as long as you're sure," Albus said, shrugging. "See ya later." He gave me a slight nod, and then went off mumbling something about meat pies.

Trust Albus to leave me all by myself. _Again._ Sighing, I walked towards the Ravenclaw table. It wasn't as easy as it sounds. The roses were blocking my view so I kept on running into unsuspecting first years, which scampered off casting frightened glances behind them.

I finally spotted Rose's red curls through the bright red petals of the flowers. From what I could see, her back was turned away from me and she had no idea I was there. I tried not to remember that the last time I tried to talk to Rose, I had made a complete fool out of myself. But apparently trying to NOT remember actually MAKES the person remember, which didn't help. At all.

I shifted the box and the flowers to my left arm so I could tap her on the shoulder with my right, but in the process the box and flowers slipped out of my hands. In a matter of seconds, the box and flowers crashed onto the polished floor. Well, you couldn't totally scratch out "noticeable entrance". From what I could see, the chocolates were still in place (and the box a little dented), and only a few petals were spread across the floor.

I wanted to pick up my presents before Rose turned around, which would require me to have super-human speed, and for Rose to be completely deaf to the sound of crashing chocolate boxes. Yeah, SO not happening.

"Didn't expect to see you down there, Scorp."

I felt the blood rush to my face as I tried to smile, say hello, and scoop up the presents at the same time

"Erm," I said.

Her bright blue eyes looked at me quizzically as she took in the sight of me on the floor, surrounded flower petals. I picked up the last of the flowers and the chocolate box. I hoped my face wasn't too red as I turned to finally face her.

"Hi, Rose."

"I didn't know you were such a romantic!" Rose said, her red hair flipping behind her as she turned to look at the presents I was holding. "The things you lean about a Malfoy…" She picked up the flowers, and gave them a delicate sniff. "Who are they for?"

"Ummm…well." Oh, just kill me now. "Well, you know how we've always been friends and all? Since, like, First Year? Well, um, I was kind of just realized that, I d'unno, maybe I kind of-

Before I even finished, I broke off and stared at Rose's face. HER FACE. Red blotches were appearing almost out of nowhere, spotting her normally clear skin into a big, puffy blob.

"R-rose! Your face! It's….growing!"

Her hands flew to her face, and she let out a high-pitched gasp, which was broken off in repetitive sneezes.

"I'm allergic to daisies!" Rose said, with watery blue eyes glaring at me as if I had the flowers hidden up my robes.

"I don't have daisies! I only have roses!" I cried desperately. "I got these roses from Al, who got them from Fred...oh."

"You moran!" Rose shrieked. "You could have told me BEFORE I smelled them!" And with another glare thrown in my direction, she got up from the table and disappeared from the hall. Probably to go the Hospital Wing, but then again, I wouldn't put it past her to search Fred out and beat him into pulp.

Something told me that Rose still considered me as a friend.

* * *

After dinner, I dragged Albus with me to go the Hospital Wing (I would've gone straight there, but Al wouldn't hear it. Apparently, he "wasn't going to miss the meat pies just for me"). I wanted to check up on Rose, and after all, I wanted to get the story straight before she ended up hating me for the rest of my life.

"I STILL can't believe you gave me those darn flowers, Al!" I complained to my best friend for the fifth time. "I thought you would know, of all people, to be more careful about what Fred gives you!"

Albus rolled his eyes, but you could tell it was only a matter of time before he burst out laughing. "Yes, mother," he said sarcastically. "And you never told me that they couldn't be DISGUISED as roses. Be clearer next time."

"Sure, whatever," I mumbled. We had now reached the Hospital Wing door, and slipped inside. I saw Rose sitting crossly on one of the hospital beds, her face covered in a sickly green paste. To the left, I saw Madam Chang doing whatever nurses do.

"Hi," I said weekly, as Rose's head snapped up to see who entered the Hospital Wing. I tried not to cringe as her green-covered face shot us a look.

"You look great, Rosie!" Al piped up cheerfully, then sauntered over to his cousin and gave her a pat on the shoulder. "I'm really digging the whole "beauty's on the inside" thing you're trying to promote."

"Oh, shut up, Al," Rose groaned, and she aimed a punch at his arm.

I shuffled over to Rose and Al, and held out the box of chocolates to Rose. "I'm really sorry about what happened, Rose. I really didn't know that they were actually daisies. And I brought you chocolate. To, you know, make you feel better."

Rose rolled her eyes, and shook her head. "Don't apologize, Scorp. It wasn't your fault. And I hate chocolate, didn't you know that?"

I let the box fall limp in my arms; of course she didn't. "Oh yeah. Well, now I know."

It was quiet for a few seconds, expect for Al drumming his fingers on the desk. I was trying to figure out how to ask her to go out with me, before Rose spoke up.

"Hey, Scorp? You know what you were going to ask me before….I reacted to the daisies?"

"Y-yeah."

"Well, I've been thinking about ever since Madam Chang made me stay in this bed. And I just realized: I'd love to."

I froze. Did Rose just SEREIOUSLY say what I thought she said? Did she actually want to go out with me? "Really?"

"Of course!" Rose exclaimed. "I'd love to give you advice on to ask out a girl. That's what the roses and chocolates were for, right?"

"Oh." I felt the blood rush up to my face. I knew it was too good to be true. "Well, yeah. I guess_." They were for you,_ I wanted to say, but the words didn't leave my mouth.

* * *

**Aaaah, I know I must be driving you guys crazy wondering when Scorpuis will tell Rose his true feelings. Sometime in the next chapter, I presume…**

**What did you guys think? Love it, hate it? I LOVE REVIEWS :D**


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